So I was participating in an online discussion yesterday. (BTW what's going on with me starting stuff with "so"? Just sayin'.) Anyway, I commented, supporting the view of the originator and most of the commentors. I was reading further today, as it was an interesting discussion. Another friend had posted a comment to the effect that perhaps the originator's actions in posting were wrong, or at least misguided. He quoted a great deal of Scripture and Christian thinkers supporting his point. His words made me question my own response, which in turn makes me question my entire Christian perspective.
Actually, that questioning is not new. This event just added to it. I look at my thoughts, actions, and reactions and wonder where I really am as a Christian. My thoughts and so on tend to fall into the category of "humanly" (to coin a term) rather than "Godly". And so I wonder. If my own personal life - my inner self - is not truly reflecting Christ, should I be attempting to teach others to do that which I do not do myself? I realize that even Paul struggled with this concept, but Acts records that more often than not, his true self was Godly, not humanly.
Am I a hypocrite when I teach? Does the simple act of standing in front of a group of people, sharing with them a Word I am not steeped in, teaching them about living for God, make me appear to have it all together? To be well-versed in these things and successful in all that I attempt, at least as far as living a Christ-like life goes? I think people automatically assume (not always correctly) that someone who is preaching has it all together, is living the way s/he should, has a fantastic walk with God, etc. etc. ad infinitum ad nauseum. So when those of us who do stand up to preach don't have it all together, aren't living the way we should, etc., are we violating those expectations? And if we are, do we do more harm than good?
On the other hand, God uses flawed vessels, the weak, and the imperfect. He deliberately chooses those who are not the best and brightest (don't believe me? Look at the disciples, who they were, how they acted, their personalities. Look at Paul, and Moses, and Abram/Abraham, and ...) to be His spokespersons. But don't we have an obligation to improve? To seek to live our lives in a way that brings glory to Him? Jesus calls all of us to be a light in the world, to be visibly His followers. I realize I am only human, and perfection, while I should seek it, is not attainable in this life.
I truly feel God has called me to teach and preach the Word, to interpret and make known what the Spirit has to say. But my attitude has to change. My actions have to change. I am not by any means qualified to teach, preach, interpret, or, really, even advise. But because He has called me, I will continue to do so.
By continuing to be in front of others, continuing to teach and preach, am I endangering others? Here's my final (for now) conclusion. It is fine for me to be in front of others, doing these things, attempting to help them learn who they are and Whose they are. That is, as long as I am aware I am far, far from perfect. As long as I don't pretend that I am an example of what to do as opposed to what not to do. On the other hand, I need to work harder at becoming the man God created me to be. I must make the changes that need to be made so that I can truly say, "Yes, you can do it. See? Even I did it."
So where is my Christianity? Really? My Christianity is on the journey. It is reflected in being open to the Lord's gentle nudging that I need to improve. It is in learning to be quiet and listen, to not be so hasty to judge or to share an opinion. I have much to learn and a long road to travel. But I am not alone in the classroom of life nor lonely upon the road, for even if none travel with me, I know that God is there every step of the way. That's where my Christianity is.
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God does not call the qualified, he qualifies the called. When I write or blog or speak I am usually speaking about the things I need to be reminded of most. BTW, you are a very good writer and I would like you write more as this was very edifying. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteI concur with Paul.
ReplyDeleteAs I read your musings, I see that when you get up in front of people your main concern is to give practical advice. And so you are sensitized to being a taker of your own advice.
When I get up in front of people my main concern is to give them important, hopefully transformative, information. So I am sensitized to doing the research and understanding what I'm talking about. As I look back at half of my messages I am usually embarassed at some of the (usually minor) misconceptions and mischaracterizations that, in hindsight, I should have caught. That simply makes me vigilant to minimize that sort of thing in the future.
Any moral dissonance you may have, as you discern it, should simply serve to spur you on to increasingly wiser living.
In case you haven't noticed (and I'm pretty sure you have), I do not take lightly the responsibility to expose our fellowship to truth and orthodox teaching. If I did not trust your ability and integrity I could not in good conscience share teaching duties with you, but I do, and with joy (that goes for Paul too)! I find that it is in using our gifts that we draw closer to God and solidify our faithfulness to Him. And pastoring and encouraging are undoubtedly among your strongest gifts.
All three of you are good teachers, and you each have something unique to offer those who are there to learn. When each of you teaches, I take something different, and learn something new. It's important that we have these different perspectives, so we can understand that we're all different, and that's ok. We are all different parts of The Body of Christ, and we all perform different tasks. If we didn't have each other, The Body would not perform as it should. We were put together, to work together. We are successful as a unit, and God loves us just the way we are.
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